Wake up at 6 a.m. today? Fuhgeddaboudit. Didn't make a plan the night before, and crashed while putting MoJo to bed. She has an uncanny ability to cast a sleep hex on whoever is tasked with reading her bedtime stories. It's a gift.
Anyway, no one said this was gonna be easy. Habits take a while to form, and I know that I need to plan a little better, with more specifics. I've got a 50 percent success rate so far. And the hubby is on board with helping me get this crazy early morning thing accomplished.
I was reading Christina Sell's blog today. Sweetheart Anusara teacher who has really inspired me in terms of embracing change and pursuing self-evaluation. I particularly love this little gem, "Nope, this shift doesn't happen automatically. It takes yoga of some sort, I think. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes unrelenting persistence in the face of repeated failure to learn how to make use of our discomfort so that the heat yields breakthrough and not breakdown." Amen.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Spring Cleaning - Day 3
I didn't end up practicing early yesterday. I called my friend Noelle to see if she wanted to go with me to Castle Hill and practice Mysore at 6 a.m. She had too much work to get done. She also is trying to get on board again with the early morning practice. We Ashtangis are relentless in our desire to pursue discipline ... not so relentless in our follow-through at the moment. I sort of have an excuse (Don't we always?) in that I taught a 6 a.m. on Tuesday, worked, taught an 11 a.m. and then drove to San Antonio to make a presentation at a conference. Three hours in a car added onto an already packed day. I pretty much collapsed with MoJo after reading her a story and didn't wake up until 8 a.m.
It's still an excuse, though. So I made up for (at least) the lack of practice by taking a 4 p.m. vinyasa class and teaching a prenatal at 6 p.m. Wednesday.
This morning was another story. I had the alarm set for taking Tim's vinyasa at bFree at 6 a.m., and then MoJo barreled into the room at 5 a.m. crying. Not sure if she was having a bad dream or a tantrum or both, but mother's guilt made me stay. I did get a practice in on the living room rug after she had calmed down and had gone back to sleep, though. The hardest thing to do is practice yoga by yourself.
Baby steps.
One of the reasons I think it's hard to practice yoga on one's own is that we humans are pack animals. We love to move, play, learn and sing together. I see evidence of that in my toddler. For the longest time, she would only "go potty" in a group setting. It's one of the reasons why I called Noelle, not because I needed the commitment to another to get my goal accomplished, but because it's more fun when you have a buddy - or lots of them - participating. I just finished reading this book called "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall. I haven't been a runner in a long time. The last time I ran was when I was on the crew team in college. I love to hike, though. This book changed my mind about a lot of things, because he brings in anecdotal examples of ultra-marathoners and then bolsters his theories about the evolution of mankind with some scientific evidence -physiological and anthropological. Many of his points revolved around this thought, that we evolved to run, hunt, walk and rear our children together. We aren't very fast, but we've got the endurance and compiled brainpower to make things happen. The problem is this: We can run at a slow jog for a few days, but if our brains start trying to seek out and eek out efficiencies in our energy output, we need each other to egg us on and talk our individual brains out of their separate desires to economize. This is why a large yoga class will work so hard and get so sweaty, because without a word said, everyone knows they are in it together. When you're by yourself, you end up hanging out in savasana and balasana a lot. They have their benefits, but the energy output is definitely less.
It's still an excuse, though. So I made up for (at least) the lack of practice by taking a 4 p.m. vinyasa class and teaching a prenatal at 6 p.m. Wednesday.
This morning was another story. I had the alarm set for taking Tim's vinyasa at bFree at 6 a.m., and then MoJo barreled into the room at 5 a.m. crying. Not sure if she was having a bad dream or a tantrum or both, but mother's guilt made me stay. I did get a practice in on the living room rug after she had calmed down and had gone back to sleep, though. The hardest thing to do is practice yoga by yourself.
Baby steps.
One of the reasons I think it's hard to practice yoga on one's own is that we humans are pack animals. We love to move, play, learn and sing together. I see evidence of that in my toddler. For the longest time, she would only "go potty" in a group setting. It's one of the reasons why I called Noelle, not because I needed the commitment to another to get my goal accomplished, but because it's more fun when you have a buddy - or lots of them - participating. I just finished reading this book called "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall. I haven't been a runner in a long time. The last time I ran was when I was on the crew team in college. I love to hike, though. This book changed my mind about a lot of things, because he brings in anecdotal examples of ultra-marathoners and then bolsters his theories about the evolution of mankind with some scientific evidence -physiological and anthropological. Many of his points revolved around this thought, that we evolved to run, hunt, walk and rear our children together. We aren't very fast, but we've got the endurance and compiled brainpower to make things happen. The problem is this: We can run at a slow jog for a few days, but if our brains start trying to seek out and eek out efficiencies in our energy output, we need each other to egg us on and talk our individual brains out of their separate desires to economize. This is why a large yoga class will work so hard and get so sweaty, because without a word said, everyone knows they are in it together. When you're by yourself, you end up hanging out in savasana and balasana a lot. They have their benefits, but the energy output is definitely less.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Spring Cleaning - Day 1
Success.
I hestitate to say that getting up to teach today at 5:15 doesn't count. Having to be at the studio, fold all of the clean towels, and get the room warm is not quite the same as crawling out of bed voluntarily and practicing your yoga for yourself. But, the Tuesday morning teaching gig is going to anchor my resolve to do this every day. So it counts, and I feel good. My lord, I've been up for 4 hours already! Actually, I had the strangest sleep pattern last night too. Maybe that big super moon is still affecting my circadian rhythm, but I slept deeply last night and woke up almost every hour feeling completely rested and agog that I had so much more time left to sleep. Strange how the mind starts playing tricks on you. My head feels clear and refreshed, though. I made some nummy chai last night to siphon out of the thermos after class. Finding true grit ... and self-bribery.
I hestitate to say that getting up to teach today at 5:15 doesn't count. Having to be at the studio, fold all of the clean towels, and get the room warm is not quite the same as crawling out of bed voluntarily and practicing your yoga for yourself. But, the Tuesday morning teaching gig is going to anchor my resolve to do this every day. So it counts, and I feel good. My lord, I've been up for 4 hours already! Actually, I had the strangest sleep pattern last night too. Maybe that big super moon is still affecting my circadian rhythm, but I slept deeply last night and woke up almost every hour feeling completely rested and agog that I had so much more time left to sleep. Strange how the mind starts playing tricks on you. My head feels clear and refreshed, though. I made some nummy chai last night to siphon out of the thermos after class. Finding true grit ... and self-bribery.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring Cleaning
I was talking to a yoga student yesterday. She's having trouble finishing up her master's thesis. In fact, she has no motivation to finish whatsoever after having "downgraded" from the Ph.D. program.
My thoughts were that she's got to do something to shift her paradigm. I'm in some of the same places professionally; I work as a scientist for the state but want to own my yoga/wellness studio. It's always complicated. I have family to consider and therefore feel a bit like I'm in professional purgatory; I can't leave my job, because my husband is still working toward his dream ... and I'm the stable force financially. But, when you make small changes to your goals, big things open up for you. That's just physics.
So, I suggested that my student start taking a regular 6 a.m. yoga class. I found that when I was exclusively an Ashtanga practioner, which requires 6 days a week of regular 6 a.m. mysore (self-led) classes, I was much more productive. When vinyasa and family came into my life ... that discipline fell apart. Strangely, that's when professional inertia set in. Coincidence? I think not.
I'm going to challenge myself to the same goal that I challenged her to achieve. Sure, I teach a 6 a.m. class once a week, but the other days I sleep in a couple of hours. My spring cleaning challenge to myself is to charge it Ashtanga style. Six days a week, I'll get up early and do my yoga. I'll take Saturdays or moon days off. I'm still planning on doing my group practice in the afternoons with my favorite master teachers. We'll just see what happens.
I thought this HuffPo article had some neat commentary on the subject of goal-setting.
My thoughts were that she's got to do something to shift her paradigm. I'm in some of the same places professionally; I work as a scientist for the state but want to own my yoga/wellness studio. It's always complicated. I have family to consider and therefore feel a bit like I'm in professional purgatory; I can't leave my job, because my husband is still working toward his dream ... and I'm the stable force financially. But, when you make small changes to your goals, big things open up for you. That's just physics.
So, I suggested that my student start taking a regular 6 a.m. yoga class. I found that when I was exclusively an Ashtanga practioner, which requires 6 days a week of regular 6 a.m. mysore (self-led) classes, I was much more productive. When vinyasa and family came into my life ... that discipline fell apart. Strangely, that's when professional inertia set in. Coincidence? I think not.
I'm going to challenge myself to the same goal that I challenged her to achieve. Sure, I teach a 6 a.m. class once a week, but the other days I sleep in a couple of hours. My spring cleaning challenge to myself is to charge it Ashtanga style. Six days a week, I'll get up early and do my yoga. I'll take Saturdays or moon days off. I'm still planning on doing my group practice in the afternoons with my favorite master teachers. We'll just see what happens.
I thought this HuffPo article had some neat commentary on the subject of goal-setting.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Imbalance
"The most effective way to discover imbalances in ourselves: observe the way everyone around us is acting them out." - Elena Brower, Anusara teacher
This is a tough piece to contemplate for so many reasons.
Many of us (I know I do) pass a lot of judgment on ourselves. It's easy to overthink and overanalyze, especially for this left-brained yogi. I want to come up with a hypothesis and an explanation. Observation is key, but what if the filters we have prevent us from truly understanding how those around us act out our imbalances? It's easy to assume that someone is being reticent toward you because you're too frank. But maybe that's not it, maybe it's because they're jealous of your hair. Though I guess good hair could be an imbalance.
I remember in high school, I was told I was considered stuck up because I had good posture. Thus started the season of slumped shoulders. But what was really going on? My self-confidence shrank as soon as I started shuffling around the school. I became worried about what people thought about me. Self-confidence and strength, even if it only manifests itself through good posture, can be a threatening thing for people who have little of it. That manipura chakra of self-esteem will make itself known and may be construed as egotism as well. But with whom does the imbalance lie? I leave that question open for now.
The word "observe" is actually key. If I let myself interpret, that's where I personally get in trouble. My intuition is just not honed enough yet not to take it personally. I guess that's the first - and longest - step, learning to look and listen. As a yoga teacher, scientist, mom, I feel like I should be better at this skill. I'm not getting good at it fast enough, and that makes me feel like a failure.
My yoga studio just changed hands ... essentially it went into the hands of the teachers. So we've all submitted bios according to a prearranged list of questions about ourselves. I love the fact that we are supposed to discuss what scares us the most. Me: sharks and failure. I lived in Maui, Hawaii for a year in my 20s, and the Tiger sharks were brutal; they would go after any meat, dead or alive. I had a hard time going into the water on the surf board. Soon thereafter, I got certified to scuba dive in order to work through that fear. It's still there, but not as much.
Failure, however. I'm really scared to fail! I want to be good at the things I attempt. I want enough money to put my child through good schools. I want to make a difference in the world. I want people to remember me as someone who brought about deep changes. I work as a civil servant in public health, which means no real changes will happen for years ... if at all with the "starve the beast" mentality toward health and education that seems to making the rounds through various legislatures. I see little changes every day when I teach yoga - smiles on faces, a thanks for something I said. Every once in awhile it's big: when I was a new teacher over a decade ago, a student told me he quit smoking, because he couldn't get through my yoga class. It's amazing to make those little - and more tangible - changes in people's lives. Because the thing is, I'm still learning and trying to balance my chakras and practice forgiveness and gratitude. Many times, I think I'm no better at it than any of my students.
Up above my desk at work, I have a phrase from the Upanishads posted, something to help me with my fear of failure.
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny."
bFree bio
My name is: Brienne Brown
I'm from: Austin, Texas
My sun sign is: Aquarius
My nicknames are: Brie, Breezy
My favorite word is: brachiate
I wish for: A wellness/yoga studio/B&B in my backyard treehouse ... and a 4x4, hybrid, VW van with a ragtop.
I am thankful for my fabulous husband who gives me the time to be a yoga junkie.
What gives me peace: writing, reading and brachiating.
Three words that describe me are: intellectual, convivial, headstrong
though my husband has sweeter words for me: vivacious, persistent and stalwart
Why I chose yoga: It helps smooth out some of the extremes that come from being stubborn, skeptical and scientific. Yoga helps me listen to myself and others more carefully ... which is key to everything.
What inspires me most is: people who walk the walk.
Three words to describe my teaching style are: detail-oriented, challenging, forgiving.
I just can't live without: a library of books
My favorite food is: spicy, hot curry of every ethnic iteration
For fun I: practice yoga, read, rockclimb, travel, knit, look at bugs with my toddler ... preferably all at the same time
I'm most scared of: sharks & failure
This is a tough piece to contemplate for so many reasons.
Many of us (I know I do) pass a lot of judgment on ourselves. It's easy to overthink and overanalyze, especially for this left-brained yogi. I want to come up with a hypothesis and an explanation. Observation is key, but what if the filters we have prevent us from truly understanding how those around us act out our imbalances? It's easy to assume that someone is being reticent toward you because you're too frank. But maybe that's not it, maybe it's because they're jealous of your hair. Though I guess good hair could be an imbalance.
I remember in high school, I was told I was considered stuck up because I had good posture. Thus started the season of slumped shoulders. But what was really going on? My self-confidence shrank as soon as I started shuffling around the school. I became worried about what people thought about me. Self-confidence and strength, even if it only manifests itself through good posture, can be a threatening thing for people who have little of it. That manipura chakra of self-esteem will make itself known and may be construed as egotism as well. But with whom does the imbalance lie? I leave that question open for now.
The word "observe" is actually key. If I let myself interpret, that's where I personally get in trouble. My intuition is just not honed enough yet not to take it personally. I guess that's the first - and longest - step, learning to look and listen. As a yoga teacher, scientist, mom, I feel like I should be better at this skill. I'm not getting good at it fast enough, and that makes me feel like a failure.
My yoga studio just changed hands ... essentially it went into the hands of the teachers. So we've all submitted bios according to a prearranged list of questions about ourselves. I love the fact that we are supposed to discuss what scares us the most. Me: sharks and failure. I lived in Maui, Hawaii for a year in my 20s, and the Tiger sharks were brutal; they would go after any meat, dead or alive. I had a hard time going into the water on the surf board. Soon thereafter, I got certified to scuba dive in order to work through that fear. It's still there, but not as much.
Failure, however. I'm really scared to fail! I want to be good at the things I attempt. I want enough money to put my child through good schools. I want to make a difference in the world. I want people to remember me as someone who brought about deep changes. I work as a civil servant in public health, which means no real changes will happen for years ... if at all with the "starve the beast" mentality toward health and education that seems to making the rounds through various legislatures. I see little changes every day when I teach yoga - smiles on faces, a thanks for something I said. Every once in awhile it's big: when I was a new teacher over a decade ago, a student told me he quit smoking, because he couldn't get through my yoga class. It's amazing to make those little - and more tangible - changes in people's lives. Because the thing is, I'm still learning and trying to balance my chakras and practice forgiveness and gratitude. Many times, I think I'm no better at it than any of my students.
Up above my desk at work, I have a phrase from the Upanishads posted, something to help me with my fear of failure.
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny."
bFree bio
My name is: Brienne Brown
I'm from: Austin, Texas
My sun sign is: Aquarius
My nicknames are: Brie, Breezy
My favorite word is: brachiate
I wish for: A wellness/yoga studio/B&B in my backyard treehouse ... and a 4x4, hybrid, VW van with a ragtop.
I am thankful for my fabulous husband who gives me the time to be a yoga junkie.
What gives me peace: writing, reading and brachiating.
Three words that describe me are: intellectual, convivial, headstrong
though my husband has sweeter words for me: vivacious, persistent and stalwart
Why I chose yoga: It helps smooth out some of the extremes that come from being stubborn, skeptical and scientific. Yoga helps me listen to myself and others more carefully ... which is key to everything.
What inspires me most is: people who walk the walk.
Three words to describe my teaching style are: detail-oriented, challenging, forgiving.
I just can't live without: a library of books
My favorite food is: spicy, hot curry of every ethnic iteration
For fun I: practice yoga, read, rockclimb, travel, knit, look at bugs with my toddler ... preferably all at the same time
I'm most scared of: sharks & failure
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Yoga of Being a Badass Mom
So last night after a yoga teacher meeting, my feathers were a little ruffled by hearsay. Some young, male teacher at some workshop somewhere apparently espoused the view that mothers could not truly practice yoga thoroughly because the responsibilities of parenthood would not allow them to go to their "man-cave" and meditate on the nature of being ... much less get their physical practice in.
First of all, whatever form the comment took, it reinforces gender stereotypes. My family works hard not to do that. My husband is an absolute angel for giving me plenty of time to work two jobs and follow my yoga passion. He cooks dinner most of the time, takes our little girl to school, and many times puts her to bed. He even scrubs the tub and toilet every once in awhile. In many ways - though he doesn't practice asana - he is a better yogi than I for taking up much of the parenting duty. I actually get my me-time to contemplate the world and my role in it.
Second, parenting is the ultimate yoga. It is uncomfortable and scary, and you must confront it head on. You must always be in the moment, expecially because that is where your toddler is. You must work hard to apply ahimsa (non-violence in action and thought), satya (truth), asteya (non-covetousness), aparigraha (non-possessiveness), saucha (cleanliness), santosha (satisfaction with what one has), tapas (inner fire and discipline), pranayama (breath control), dharana (concentration on one object), dhyana (steadfast medication or undisturbed flow of thought), and samadhi (oneness with that object). That last one is the hardest, especially when you're trying to reach through a temper tantrum. I could go on, but I think it's clear that these are not only ways to maintain a healthy connection with one's child but also life skills that the child will pick up with observation.
Third, my daughter and I have been practicing asana together since she was in the womb. We did urdhva dhanurasana and hanumanasana together. We survived labor. We did postnatal yoga together, and I would practice pranayama to get her to fall asleep to my deep breaths when she was cranky. We play airplane together now and practice walking up the wall into handstands and headstands. The little two-and-a-half-year-old did her first bow yesterday! And she loves practicing ujayi breathing ... though she loves devolving into pretending that she is snoring. I'd still call that pranayama, though.
It all boils down to new teachers vs. old teachers; we all know that we know nothing ... But, unless you're an old soul, that fact just seems like theory at the beginning. Sometimes we think we've touched enlightenment, because we've worked so hard to practice and learn. I was - and probably still am - guilty of pronouncing things as truth, when I may not know all there is to know about the subject. And, if I'm completely honest with myself, I should wonder why people come to me to learn what they already know deep down. What makes me an authority? Possibly, I'm a teacher not because I know more about the things we all know intrinsically, but because I have devoted time to the practice.
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