Fighting the Kapha

I was paging through my Sogyal Rinpoche today in preparation for teaching my evening yoga class, and found the one for my birthday. "Whatever we have done with our lives makes us what we are when we die. And everything, absolutely everything, counts." Compassion is also the best protection. If you are strong and have a healthy sense of self, it's easy to focus on only the good things you've done in your life, the things that validate your beauty and strength. If you have less self-esteem, it's easy to focus on where you have "failed" in life. The fact is that you must have compassion for those who are not as strong as you, and resolve to to be there for them in whatever way they accept you into their lives. And, if you focus on your failures, compassion and learning from these stumbles is of utmost importance. As you find this equilibrium, you realize that you are part of a whole, and not even a permanent entity in this whole, but merely a fluctuation that makes the whole. My ups and downs are inevitable, but I can learn from them and use them.

This is why I love dabbling In the ancient system of Ayurveda. According to this sister science to yoga, spring is known to be the Kapha season: a marked difference from the dry, cold Vata-aggravation typical of winter. The surge of moisture in the spring prepares nature for leafing and budding but can upset the body's equilibrium. Many of us experience this excess of Kapha through increased phlegm in the sinuses and lungs, heaviness in the head, a sense of lethargy or stagnation and mood swings towards depression.

Last year and these last couple months, while pregnant and after I birthed my winter baby, I've been holed up in my cave, not getting much done in regard to my career, my passion, my meaning in life. My Kapha was not just seasonal, it was part and parcel of leaving my hometown, being pregnant without a support network, and preparation for nurturing a new alien being in my life who will be wholly dependent upon me for at least a couple of years (until he starts asserting his independence). But the time is to get moving and break out of the heaviness, to start nurturing myself more and living every moment like it counts. 

So, I'm creating a list of things to accomplish, and I'll add to it as more revelations come to me or as I hijack them from wiser people. Some may be very obvious, but obvious does not mean that we actually achieve an understanding of truth or think about them more deeply.

So here goes.

1. Treat every act in your day as if it were your last. 

 

Settling In

Well, I'd expected to get back to this blog more quickly. But, the facts of moving in, getting settled, turning my life around 180 degrees to become a stay at home mom (and yes, teaching 5 yoga classes a week) dropped the blogging pretty low on my priority list. But, we're baaaaack.

I must say that the culture of stay at home moms is still something that I find hard to get used to. It's a little like being an expat. When you're living in a different country, you hang out with Americans who you would probably never socialize with back home merely because the thing you have in common is being American. It's similar with stay at home moms. You're only hanging out with them at the park or the children's museum, because they have a kid around your kid's age. So, I had a couple of months of coming to that realization. Essentially, I started to recognize that I have a mountain goat of a 3-year-old on my hands. She has the the physical dexterity of a child twice her age and the bravado (and attitude) of a teenager. I swiftly came to the realization that I'm THAT mom, the one who lets her kid do "dangerous" things at the playground and therefore puts ideas into the other kids' heads. Though, honestly, I'm really not worried about MJ's climbing skills, and I'm not going to go running after her when I'm 6 months pregnant. This is one of those situations where she'll learn best if she makes some mistakes on her own. So far she hasn't made any.
I'm not without judgment myself; I'm horrified by the junk some of these moms are feeding their kids. Chik-fil-A is a big playdate meeting place here, because of the convenience of the "food" and indoor playground. I'm still working on that judgment; we all pick out battles. Being a full-time mom is rather grueling, and sometimes the diet falls low on the priority list. I get it ... sort of. 
I'm keeping this post short and will try to post again soon. An old friend of mine is stopping through town this weekend on the way back to Texas and we're going to drive through and hike in the Blue Ridge Mountains. We got a cold snap this weekend, and everyone tells me that will start the color change in the trees. I'm such a Texan - I know nothing about such things.

I'm posting these gratuitous pix of MJ at the children's museum today with her new friend Mya, who loves looking like a princess. MJ tried the princess outfit on for all of 5 minutes and was not impressed. I give her credit for trying it out, though. Then she went over to the area where kids were fixing a "car" and put in a new muffler.

The Cradle of the Future is the Grave of the Past



U.S. astronaut Cady Coleman after her space capsule
 landed in Kazakhstan in May 2011.



 "The cradle of the future is the grave of the past." - Franz Grillparzer, Austrian writer

I know the above quote seems obvious, the cycle of life and death, etc., etc., but it got me thinking. I taught my last yoga class at the health department yesterday, and I cried at the death of a practice I've devoted myself to for more than two years. And, it dawned on me fully that this move to Virginia represents an end to a long chapter, an end to my teaching in Austin, something I've been pouring love into since 1997 ... students and teachers I've devoted myself to and with whom I've forged close ties. Some have moved on, as all students should. In fact, the sign of a quick student is one who outgrows the teacher. I suspect that the sign of a good teacher is one who is not afraid to outgrow his/her students - or at least confronts that fear head on. This is not because there is no more to teach, but because the teacher needs to grow too. And to grow, sometimes one has to take drastic action ... like moving to another state. Change makes us work harder on ourselves. Change makes us work harder to adapt. And, successful adaptation is what creates rebirth, evolution, strength and wisdom.
As I was driving home yesterday, I heard an interview on NPR's All Things Considered with two astronauts, Cady Coleman and Leroy Chiao. They were discussing the dismantling of the space shuttle program. Though they had their regrets, something struck me as similar and familiar. Cady had this to say about the shuttle program: "In order to explore, we need a new vehicle. And we can't fly this one and operate this one. It's too expensive and it drains too many of the people that we need — we need their knowledge and expertise ... to develop new vehicles that will take us further. Because going further is what we're all about," she says. "It's a hard change, it's necessary and in some ways, I think it's OK just to take some time to grieve."

I teach my last class in Austin this Sunday morning. I have worked so hard to cultivate my practice and cultivate myself, to impart whatever knowledge I have to my students so that they have more tools to cultivate themselves. But this is Austin, and it is a community of very open-minded people who are considered a little (a lot) weird by the rest of Texas. We're the San Francisco of Texas. We recycle, we eat healthy, we exercise, we all know vegans and make sure there is a vegan option when we throw barbeques. we have the first zero-trash grocery store in the country. It's the place of my yoga birth, but it's also easy to teach yoga here: people are receptive.

Moving to Virginia is my new vehicle. The yoga culture is nascent, and I'm going to have to use a whole new skill set to create a yoga community as well as a new community for my family. I once joked to my beginner classes that learning how to do yoga can be compared to Kubler-Ross' 5 Stages of Grief:

• Denial (this isn't happening to me!) - "Seriously, this yoga thing is hard! I hate having to work this hard!"
• Anger (why is this happening to me?) - "I will never forgive X for dragging me to this class. Why did I ever think I could do yoga? I can't stand this teacher; who does s/he think s/he is?"

• Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...) - "If I can just get through this, I promise myself I'll start going to the gym, or get on the treadmill, or go on a diet. I know I need to improve my life, but yoga is not for me; it's too hard!"
• Depression (I don't care anymore) - "I'm sore, I'm tired, I don't want to go to yoga. But I paid my money and promised my friend I'd go. I feel like a martyr. I'd rather just veg in front of the TV."
• Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) - "Wow, I feel so much better! I can't believe I made it through the last couple of weeks. This is amazing! OK, it's a lot of hard work, and I don't look as good doing the postures as that 20-year-old in the front of the room, but if I keep working on this, I know I'm going to be doing something better for myself. I can already see the difference!"

I think I'm nearing acceptance in terms of moving on.

Moving to Virginia ... somewhat packed

Just got back from househunting in Harrisonburg, VA. Interesting little town. It essentially comprises JMU students and Mennonites with a small percentage of Mexicans and Central Americans who work in the poultry industry. The downtown is gorgeous, with an old courthouse and town square. The outskirts leave something to be desired. There's been a student population boom, so a lot of prime farmland and beautiful rolling hills have been converted into rental properties stacked on top of each other - no urban planning to speak of: no sidewalks or neighborhood parks. I found our place near downtown, and it looks more navigable for a mom with a toddler and new baby in stroller.
What I love about this town is that (as a friend calls it) it was the bread basket of the Confederacy. The amount and diversity of local, pesticide free food is amazing! The farmers' market does a great business three times a week. Currently, I spend most of my income on good food, and in this place good food is cheap. Polyface Farm (to which Michael Pollan devoted a chapter of his book "Omnivore's Dilemma") is 45 minutes away. It's a local organic CSA (community supported agriculture) that uses revolutionary (read old school) methods of farming.
I'm thinking about following in the footsteps of Texas' own Food Renegade, who actually lives north of Austin in Georgetown, and blogging about learning how to make real food, enjoying the seasons, and figuring out how to slow down life a little bit. It's tempting.
I met with the owner of Shenandoah Yoga. What a sweetheart! We met at a local tea shop to talk about yoga opportunities, and she brought me a container of freshly picked blueberries as a welcome gift. I love yogis. I'm so proud of our community. I promised her some class descriptions, and I may be teaching a beginners series starting in September.
A friend of mine reminded me of something today, she's struggling with a new life in Costa Rica: “The world does not come at us. The world comes from us.”
One of the most challenging and amazing experiences I had was living in Budapest, Hungary - barely able to communicate in the language but still trying. For guidance, I would remember back to the time that I was traveling interior Mexico with an old friend, speaking beautiful Spanish - yet the smiling Aussie who spoke not a word of Spanish was the one who kept guiding us to all the right places. "The locals told us to go here, the locals said this was better." It turns out that he just smiled big, drew pictures, and let his sunshine do just that, shine. He didn't need Spanish to get the job done and make friends.
“The world does not come at us. The world comes from us.”
So excited about this move, because of the challenges and adventures that will make us better people and recognize that in ourselves. They speak English there, so it's not going to be difficult in the same way, but the rules are slightly different in each place, and we're going to have to learn them to evolve.

Life Changes

Wow. Karl just got a job offer to teach at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA. We've decided to take it and move. So amazing that we're actually leaving Austin. I've lived here for 35 years, with some stints in Alaska, Hawaii, overseas. But yes, seriously, 30 years in Austin, all told. It's a one-year gig, so there's a chance that we'll be coming back, but this could be for good. I'm a skosh freaked out.
I think this is my chance to devote myself fulltime to yoga, to my daughter, and to the dystopia that I've always wanted to write. Not sure how that's all going to play out - a little priority setting is in order, but this is my chance.
The 6 a.m. thing seems to be working out. And, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to get up even earlier to get some personal writing and practicing time in.
I'm pretty sure this opportunity is the universe speaking to me and telling me to walk my talk.

Spring Cleaning - Still ON!

I fell off the wagon. I'm back on it. I've been thinking lately about yoga and what I take away from it. I'm strong, I'm more in touch with my body, mind, patterns ... more intuitive, patient, confident. There is always a new revelation, maybe not true enlightenment, but something new happens each time. Blah, blah, blah. I can talk up a storm about the changes I see, physical and mental. But the fact is these changes happen when one devotes oneself fully to any assortment of practices. And the fact is these changes can only be experienced to be understood, not talked about. I used to hear the same chorus from heaven when I practiced ballet, painted canvases or rowed a regatta while on the crew team in college. Yoga is just more explicit about how to be a good person as you transcend your chemistry and consciousness. Mystics have for ages used tricks of sleep deprivation, fasting, chemical enhancement, exercise, sweat lodges in order to change their chemistry and focus. They were on a quest to see the universe in italics, bold, underlined, blue light, etc. in order to understand the mystery better. Me, I'm just trying to get up consistently before 6 a.m. Sure, I'm practicing and teaching asanas every day. But right now, my yoga is learning to be an early riser. And, it's mindblowing. Switching gears slightly, there is a debate going on in the Austin yoga community right now about Yoga Journal's contest for its next cover model. A friend of mine, Amy Pancake, has written an open letter to YJ about her disgust for this popularity contest. I sympathize with her somewhat; it's a valid concern. She feels the practice of yoga has been watered down by marketing and adherence to unyogic values such as attachment to nice yoga clothes, appearance, or just the physical practice. And I know that there are a plethora of new teachers out there who know little to nothing about the eight limbs - and may not even want to. Sure there are people who want to look hot in their expensive yoga pants. And there are those who (seem to be) missing the point. Others will only buy a magazine if there is a sexy chick on the cover. She seems to believe that yoga can't withstand these strong yet shallow forces - like a flash flood of sterilized yoga mixed in with American consumerism. But I think it can. The fact is that yoga is just bigger than its asanas. It is discipline and contemplation and action. We are all on different paths of our journey through life, and if the least that you learn is that your body is a temple, so be it. I truly think that once you learn this, you start respecting yourself and then others a little more. The path is longer, rougher, and more meandering for a lot of us, but the work is still happening for any of us who consistently practice. It may happen faster/deeper with a good teacher, but the student must also be ready. And, we need to stop taking ourselves and our yoga so seriously. It's just a tool, a powerful tool, but a tool nonetheless. I like YogaDawg's satire about the vast and varied yoga community. Every once in awhile, I go to that site for a reality check.

Spring Cleaning - Day 4

Wake up at 6 a.m. today? Fuhgeddaboudit. Didn't make a plan the night before, and crashed while putting MoJo to bed. She has an uncanny ability to cast a sleep hex on whoever is tasked with reading her bedtime stories. It's a gift.
Anyway, no one said this was gonna be easy. Habits take a while to form, and I know that I need to plan a little better, with more specifics. I've got a 50 percent success rate so far. And the hubby is on board with helping me get this crazy early morning thing accomplished.
I was reading Christina Sell's blog today. Sweetheart Anusara teacher who has really inspired me in terms of embracing change and pursuing self-evaluation. I particularly love this little gem, "Nope, this shift doesn't happen automatically. It takes yoga of some sort, I think. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes unrelenting persistence in the face of repeated failure to learn how to make use of our discomfort so that the heat yields breakthrough and not breakdown." Amen.